I have been busting to share with you again!
This week I visited my doctor to discuss the results of my last ultrasound report. And she said to me that the dreadful clot was shrinking, and also liquefying - enabling it to be reabsorbed into my body!
All I can say is, THANK YOU GOD!
What a crazy few months it has been. Due to the pregnancy complications, I've been unwilling to fully embrace being pregnant. Walking out of that doctors room though, I had a spring in my step and a big smile on my face that could not be wiped away ~ Baby number three is, Lord willing, safely on its way! But even if the situation had turned for the worse, as heart wrenching as it was turning out to be, I knew that even though I couldn't understand the outcome, God sees the big picture. And loves me more than I can imagine. I find that hard to practice at times. But the more I put my money where my mouth is and actually trust God, the easier, more peace-filled, and awesome life is.
I've noticed a pattern in the big, and little, life struggles I've experienced in the past few years. The hard situation get's worse and worse, until I really look at the situation for what it is - and let it go. Let it go by stop trying to control it, while still doing my best to better the situation, I give the control to God and fully accept His Will - whichever way the situation goes - worse or better.
The build up to that point is really hard. It's a battle for me. There's lots of tears, lots of questions (WHY!!!!?!), lots of inner battles, and outward stress. But I'm learning, the quicker I give it over to God and quit worrying and leave it in His hands - the quicker the situation works out.
I guess I have an issue with trust.
I read this example recently; 'we don't lie on our beds at night, worrying and anxious that they'll be able to hold us while we sleep - we, without thinking, trust that our bed will hold our weight and sleep restfully with that simply accepted knowledge.' That's what trusting God is like.
As long as I'm worrying, that's a clear sign I'm not trusting.
As long as I'm anxious, that's a clear sign I'm not trusting.
That verse in the Bible that says that I need to become like a little child or I CAN'T get to Heaven, has been on my mind a lot lately.
My two little ones are so free in life. They wake up thrilled to be alive, not a care in the world - just feed me, love me and play with me! They don't like it when they are disciplined for doing wrong, or kept inside while daddy is mowing, have the matches they've found taken away or put down for a sleep when they want to keep playing. They fight it in some of those situations. But they trust me, they love me with all they know, and they just expect me to care for them. That's what I'm there for!
God's the same.
Do I really get that? Not sure, but I'm learning! I mightn't like it when the hard stuff comes, but the sooner I trust God and let Him look after me instead of me look after me, accepting that He knows what I need (nap time, safety, or character reforming), while realising He loves me more than I even understand what love is. The more I'll be waking up thrilled to be alive with not a care in the world - just feed me, love me and let me play!
Saturday 21 February 2015
Thursday 29 January 2015
Treasuring Slow When Life Speeds Up
My heart is aching right now.
It's funny. It seems when life settles into a 'Treasuring Slow' groove, stuff happens.
I am so thankful to treasure slow. The tears are streaming down my face. I am.
The beautiful, joyful and incredible miracle of pregnancy has come to our little family again. I'm just about twelve weeks pregnant with our little number 3. I've seen my beautiful baby multiple times now, through the black and white ultrasound screen. It's so beautiful. So precious. So little. And so mine. Thrivingly healthy and active and developing perfectly.
But since nine-ten weeks, two days after I last shared with you, all has not been well. Life swirled up into a whirlwind again. People, coming and going, busyness and disorganisation.
I've been faced with hard. There's a blood clot between baby's sac and the uterus wall caused by an 'unknown cause bleed'. Apparently that can be a common thing. And that often times when this happens, pregnancy carries through okay. The risk is, if the clot gets bigger, and continues to push its way through and separate baby's sac from its connection to the uterus wall where it gets all of its nutrients, baby won't make it. There's no known cause, no known outcome, and there's nothing anyone can do.
I have to take it easy. But even then, they don't know if that helps it heal or not.
And so far, each week when I've had a scan. That horrible clot has been growing quite rapidly. I've been advised that hopefully, it will settle down.
The fear and anxiety of a mother squeezes my heart. The fear of the unknown petrifies and chills my soul.
But I have to rest in the arms of my Father in Heaven. And trust that He wants the best for me.
It feels like a choking feeling. And yet each time I look at my two beautiful baby girls I am able to hold everyday. I am reminded how blessed I am. And how I truly need to treasure slow. To treasure my family, to treasure the moments. I am reminded how fragile and innocent life can be. And I'm starting to get a faint little glimpse of what it means to have faith.
I have been so blessed to see, through a black and white screen, my beautiful little baby growing so actively and happily inside of me several times now. And that is just precious. And I am holding tightly to the little moments of joy. And pushing away the fears that at times threaten to overwhelm me.
I don't know what the outcome will be. I just really needed to share with you. I don't know the hard stuff you're going through, or may have been through. But I find comfort in knowing that I can share my journey with you, and hopefully, someone understands.
I'm finding that it's easy to dwell on what might happen. And not so easy to relish and hold tight to trust, love, and beauty. But that is what I'm going to endeavour to do. And make each moment beautiful. For myself, for my family and for my unborn baby. Treasuring slow. Finding beauty in every moment and every memory. Even when it kind of feels like I'm sitting in a steam train looking out the window and watching life blur on by, I'm going to enjoy the feelings, the people I'm sharing the journey with, and the little moments experienced along the way.
Love to you all :-) xx
It's funny. It seems when life settles into a 'Treasuring Slow' groove, stuff happens.
I am so thankful to treasure slow. The tears are streaming down my face. I am.
The beautiful, joyful and incredible miracle of pregnancy has come to our little family again. I'm just about twelve weeks pregnant with our little number 3. I've seen my beautiful baby multiple times now, through the black and white ultrasound screen. It's so beautiful. So precious. So little. And so mine. Thrivingly healthy and active and developing perfectly.
But since nine-ten weeks, two days after I last shared with you, all has not been well. Life swirled up into a whirlwind again. People, coming and going, busyness and disorganisation.
I've been faced with hard. There's a blood clot between baby's sac and the uterus wall caused by an 'unknown cause bleed'. Apparently that can be a common thing. And that often times when this happens, pregnancy carries through okay. The risk is, if the clot gets bigger, and continues to push its way through and separate baby's sac from its connection to the uterus wall where it gets all of its nutrients, baby won't make it. There's no known cause, no known outcome, and there's nothing anyone can do.
I have to take it easy. But even then, they don't know if that helps it heal or not.
And so far, each week when I've had a scan. That horrible clot has been growing quite rapidly. I've been advised that hopefully, it will settle down.
The fear and anxiety of a mother squeezes my heart. The fear of the unknown petrifies and chills my soul.
But I have to rest in the arms of my Father in Heaven. And trust that He wants the best for me.
It feels like a choking feeling. And yet each time I look at my two beautiful baby girls I am able to hold everyday. I am reminded how blessed I am. And how I truly need to treasure slow. To treasure my family, to treasure the moments. I am reminded how fragile and innocent life can be. And I'm starting to get a faint little glimpse of what it means to have faith.
I have been so blessed to see, through a black and white screen, my beautiful little baby growing so actively and happily inside of me several times now. And that is just precious. And I am holding tightly to the little moments of joy. And pushing away the fears that at times threaten to overwhelm me.
I don't know what the outcome will be. I just really needed to share with you. I don't know the hard stuff you're going through, or may have been through. But I find comfort in knowing that I can share my journey with you, and hopefully, someone understands.
I'm finding that it's easy to dwell on what might happen. And not so easy to relish and hold tight to trust, love, and beauty. But that is what I'm going to endeavour to do. And make each moment beautiful. For myself, for my family and for my unborn baby. Treasuring slow. Finding beauty in every moment and every memory. Even when it kind of feels like I'm sitting in a steam train looking out the window and watching life blur on by, I'm going to enjoy the feelings, the people I'm sharing the journey with, and the little moments experienced along the way.
Love to you all :-) xx
Wednesday 14 January 2015
Treasuring Slow
I am a true adventurous soul. I grew up with my best friends being my two brothers (and then of course, ten years later, my two baby sisters ;-) ). I am the type to try anything once, within reason. I've been sky diving, jumped of crazy height rocks into swimming holes (even while pregnant, if that's legal) [Please Note: Don't be alarmed. For me, crazy heights shrink to a much safer height while pregnant.], lots of 4w motorbike riding, midnight rabbit hunts on my grandparents farm, you name it. I love going places, and meeting people. Crazy and adorable people - you are my loves! Yes. I love the outdoors, camping, dirt, and daggy (though matching of course) clothes. I love to sing at the top of my voice, and dance like nobodies watching most days. I grew up in the country. Bunch of kids, bunch of animals, awesome friends, and not much (hard) responsibility. My childhood was imperfect, but awesome. And it was slow. The slow that builds indian teepees out of bonfire branches and literally plays cowboys and Indians. The slow that plans big dreams with siblings while lying on the trampoline at night watching the incredibly full, star filled sky and shrieks over the many shooting stars that streak across our view. All the while bursting out into favourite Disney songs at random moments and combining our voices in perfect soul chilling harmonies. That kind of slow.
Life did hit me down a few pegs. I felt the sting of peoples judgement. And yes. I let it effect how I saw myself. I still struggle with that at times. Though I'm beginning to realise that everyone has their stuff. And God sees me as awesome. Just the way I am. And I can love everyone else, because He loves me and helps me to love myself.
I need to remember that this is who I am. Because when life does get pushy. I often forget.
Like over the crazy fast months of the Christmas and New year hype. Appointments, commitments, family and friends, work and life, etc. Just read between the lines. Although the moments have been enjoyable, life has gotten a bit pushy. I almost forgot what it means to be our own little family. This brought on some big thoughts and talks. And after the holiday rush, our family has decided to play slow.
Want to know how? I'm happy to share. Just don't judge me. Cus I love you just for who you are the way you and in what you do. Our life choices are what makes us beautiful. To each other, and to God.
Deep breath. Here goes.
We got rid of our tv. Like. It's now unplugged in our garage, along with our dvd player, satellite box and Wii console. We're trialing this for 60 days. Because we want to see if we'll actually get smarter and have more time. It's crazy. So far I've finished reading a book I'd been trying to get through for weeks and read a big chunk of another. Today is day two of no tv. I've been freaking out about not having the sanity of plonking on a show for my girls when I need a break. So far, they've just found their own fun and I didn't flip. Amazing.
I've switched to an old fashioned 2G phone. Like the kind that the only game on board is snake xenia. Yes, the old, original snake game. The phone is slow and steady. But awesome. I find my brain is focusing on my day. Not my phone. Weird feeling.
We have our computer hooked up to wall internet. No more wifi connections or internet dongles. At least not for now. I have to find a moment of peace to actually sit down and check my internet stuff. Yeah, definitely doesn't happen that often anymore!
Over these last couple of months, I've found I don't really know my youngest daughter. And she's got some big personality happening! That's a goal I can't wait to achieve. To know my kids.
We're starting to make time for each other, hubby and wife time. As I've mentioned, these last couple of months have been crazy and I've really missed my man. Last night we attempted a soak in the bath together, I even had my favourite woodwick soy candle burning - trust me, that candle is precious. It has a fragrance of butterscotch vanilla heavenly sweetness and when the woodwick starts burning and crackling away with its wood fire smells mingled with its milky candle sweetness - I'm in another place! My two year old girl thought the occasion the perfect time to stay awake and stir every five minutes with multiple concerns, fears, and requests until ten o'clock. But we treasured the fact that we tried to have time. That alone has given me warm fuzzies to last me today. We're planning time together again tonight. That's special to me.
I'm still a mum, I still have a house to run, and a hubby to love, and life to maintain for my family. But I want to consciously choose to live each moment to the full. We don't know what's around the corner, and for that reason alone, I want to treasure slow. Sometimes, the food can stay on the kitchen floor while I sink in a shell pool with my two year old and tickle and splash. Sometimes, the clothes can wait to be sorted while we pray as a family and I hug my 11 month old.
I don't know how life will look in another few months. Ours seems to be constantly changing, due to season of life, health, work and family needs. This is where we're at right now. Just slow. If we can and where we can.
Slow is still messy. It's still crazy and just a little hard. But it's slow. I can handle slow. And when life speed gets things moving in the crazy patches, I can handle that too. Because I know we're taking stock of our family and our needs. And that means more to me than anything. Even swimming in my favourite childhood waterhole or body boarding at the beach. That's huge for me. And I really want to treasure the adventurous me inside this mummy body. The me that relishes in simple childhood fun and never grows up. And I believe that God is thrilled with that. Because the less I'm worried about the stuff, the more He can take care of it all for me. And that to me is better than slow. That's peace. That's quiet in the storm. And that's home. Our home. To treasure slow. If we can, and where we can.
Life did hit me down a few pegs. I felt the sting of peoples judgement. And yes. I let it effect how I saw myself. I still struggle with that at times. Though I'm beginning to realise that everyone has their stuff. And God sees me as awesome. Just the way I am. And I can love everyone else, because He loves me and helps me to love myself.
I need to remember that this is who I am. Because when life does get pushy. I often forget.
Like over the crazy fast months of the Christmas and New year hype. Appointments, commitments, family and friends, work and life, etc. Just read between the lines. Although the moments have been enjoyable, life has gotten a bit pushy. I almost forgot what it means to be our own little family. This brought on some big thoughts and talks. And after the holiday rush, our family has decided to play slow.
Want to know how? I'm happy to share. Just don't judge me. Cus I love you just for who you are the way you and in what you do. Our life choices are what makes us beautiful. To each other, and to God.
Deep breath. Here goes.
We got rid of our tv. Like. It's now unplugged in our garage, along with our dvd player, satellite box and Wii console. We're trialing this for 60 days. Because we want to see if we'll actually get smarter and have more time. It's crazy. So far I've finished reading a book I'd been trying to get through for weeks and read a big chunk of another. Today is day two of no tv. I've been freaking out about not having the sanity of plonking on a show for my girls when I need a break. So far, they've just found their own fun and I didn't flip. Amazing.
I've switched to an old fashioned 2G phone. Like the kind that the only game on board is snake xenia. Yes, the old, original snake game. The phone is slow and steady. But awesome. I find my brain is focusing on my day. Not my phone. Weird feeling.
We have our computer hooked up to wall internet. No more wifi connections or internet dongles. At least not for now. I have to find a moment of peace to actually sit down and check my internet stuff. Yeah, definitely doesn't happen that often anymore!
Over these last couple of months, I've found I don't really know my youngest daughter. And she's got some big personality happening! That's a goal I can't wait to achieve. To know my kids.
We're starting to make time for each other, hubby and wife time. As I've mentioned, these last couple of months have been crazy and I've really missed my man. Last night we attempted a soak in the bath together, I even had my favourite woodwick soy candle burning - trust me, that candle is precious. It has a fragrance of butterscotch vanilla heavenly sweetness and when the woodwick starts burning and crackling away with its wood fire smells mingled with its milky candle sweetness - I'm in another place! My two year old girl thought the occasion the perfect time to stay awake and stir every five minutes with multiple concerns, fears, and requests until ten o'clock. But we treasured the fact that we tried to have time. That alone has given me warm fuzzies to last me today. We're planning time together again tonight. That's special to me.
I'm still a mum, I still have a house to run, and a hubby to love, and life to maintain for my family. But I want to consciously choose to live each moment to the full. We don't know what's around the corner, and for that reason alone, I want to treasure slow. Sometimes, the food can stay on the kitchen floor while I sink in a shell pool with my two year old and tickle and splash. Sometimes, the clothes can wait to be sorted while we pray as a family and I hug my 11 month old.
I don't know how life will look in another few months. Ours seems to be constantly changing, due to season of life, health, work and family needs. This is where we're at right now. Just slow. If we can and where we can.
Slow is still messy. It's still crazy and just a little hard. But it's slow. I can handle slow. And when life speed gets things moving in the crazy patches, I can handle that too. Because I know we're taking stock of our family and our needs. And that means more to me than anything. Even swimming in my favourite childhood waterhole or body boarding at the beach. That's huge for me. And I really want to treasure the adventurous me inside this mummy body. The me that relishes in simple childhood fun and never grows up. And I believe that God is thrilled with that. Because the less I'm worried about the stuff, the more He can take care of it all for me. And that to me is better than slow. That's peace. That's quiet in the storm. And that's home. Our home. To treasure slow. If we can, and where we can.
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